What One Intern Interview-ee Will do For a Job….

It’s one thing to joke about me being racist, but when someone tries to call me out as one claiming that I use it as a prejudgment in my decision to hire an UNPAID intern position, that’s where I draw the line. Look Pancho, you are calling the wrong person disciminatory, when all I ever do is attempt to bring out the Cuban heritage in me. I am not taking Zumba classes for nothing and I know you didn’t get that  SE LA wall replica on your neck for nothing either.

Upon recieving this email below, I had to fight every fiber of my being to withold responding to him with a piece of my mind. However, while I am able to hold back a grudge in the professional world, I fail to have the restraint otherwise. And so, in response to being rejected for an intern position, I recieved this:

It was also a pleasure to meet you. I felt the same as you about the position and the first word that came to my mind was containment. I’m ready to learn and grow and the position was only for a specific description however limited. One word of advice I would like to pass on in a non confrontational way and without attack is the process of interview.
I understand my appearance, in the minds of some, justify the need for prejudgment. I felt that as soon as I stepped into the office and asked for you the secretary was unprofessional by not even considering to ask the name of who it was that had a scheduled interview. Secondly, once you and I were in the interview room I felt the tinge of uneasiness from you. Now a partial reason could be the interview process although I’m sure the awkwardness was not prevalent with most of your other internship interviews.
Looking the way I do has placed me in direct path for discrimination, harassment and outright racism and I’m not saying you were at the level I’ve dealt with but when a stereotype exist within our minds its now unfortunately easy to spot.
Something you might want to be aware of for the next possible thug-looking-intership interview.
Thank you for your time and I must say once again that the eVisibilty blog has a multitude of sources for rich information. Have a wonderful and ambitious new year!!!!!

His stupidity is my revenge… and my POSTjudgment is far worse than the prejudgment he places on himself.

My Management Style Needs To Be More Assertive-Oriented, Going Forward

This scene played out a few minutes ago. Perhaps it’s not that funny unless you can guess the characters. I thought it was emblematic of life here in the office. The names of the characters have been changed to protect their identities.

Jeff: Hey Chris… and Liz, too. I wanted to ask you two, since we’re going to get the new girl plugged in on the PhoneTone stuff first, who you think would be the best person to go over the writing of the PhoneTone content? Who do you think would be the best person to get the new girl up to speed?

Chris: Uhhh…  probably Cliff has the best knowledge of music, so his work with PhoneTone would probably be the best. Although I haven’t really read everyone’s stuff yet.

Jeff: Well, knowledge of the subject isn’t that important, I just need someone who knows about the writing. Liz?

Liz: Humm. Well, it doesn’t really matter to me all that-

Jeff: I know you both kind of had an idea right when I asked you at first, so just go with your gut. Who do you think?

Chris: Uhh. Well, how about Liz? She has the most experience here- besides me, of course. Naturally I didn’t want to suggest myself. Haha.

Jeff: Liz? Come on. Who do you guys think is best?

Liz: Yeah, I mean, that’s okay with me.

Jeff: Well, I wasn’t going to make you do it, Chris, you have a lot on your plate already, so I think I’ll have Cliff sit with the new girl today to go over the content. In the future, we’re going to have you two making decisions like this, so I wanted to get your involvement. Just– I did hear a lot of wishy-washy stuff just now, and when it comes time to make a decision it’s best to go with your first instinct, especially with something like this- with management decisions. If you start to hem and haw too much, the authority of your leadership will be questioned. Going forward, you guys really need to be more certain and clear. But yeah, let’s just have Cliff show her the ropes today.

Instant Message, Instant Girlfriend

This is a great, great blog post about a guy who was notorious for online dating.

From the post: “I was the quintessential nerd with the quintessential nerd problem: I was uncharismatic and I knew it…..I don’t know what it was exactly. Somewhere in the dark reaches of the Internet I went through a transformation sequence worthy of a Japanese children’s cartoon. I suddenly shifted from an overweight, overdressed frog to a charming, handsome, technology-savvy prince.”

Check out this MUST READ: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/25/fashion/25love.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&partner=rssnyt

A Tribute to Lil B

I’ve written stories that are pretty hilarious in my day.  I have journals that if anyone saw them, would be rolling on the floor laughing.  I have even gone so far as to write papers for the biggest stickler professors on this campus.  But never have I written a story for the one who I give credit to.  I’ve known him for years, and have never had a dull moment thus far.  He makes all those around him laugh constantly.  None of us can put into words what he can.  No one can even begin to describe him. Yes, we all know and love him.  I know I do. Drum roll please.  His name is Lil B, B… and he is my boyfriend.  Although we haven’t been a couple for the whole time we’ve known each other, we have had our B to the E moments.  Those are the moments that make us unique, make us better than other regular couples. 
 I am going to go out on a limb here and give my self credit for one of the first moments of B to the E.  I was a freshman, young and helpless.  I was approaching the end of my first semester as a sorority girl.  My formal was fast coming and unlike the rest of my friends, I had no boyfriend, no date to take to the dance.  I thought long and hard about the right person to ask, and the second I thought of it, I knew that this would be a perfect date, but was too shy too ask.  Obviously it was Lil B, who, just like me, tended towards the shy side.  Well, to make a long story long, I awkwardly found him in his room on his computer, typing away, his creative genius hard at work.  I interrupted him and tried my hardest to make conversation, small talk.  Well, at the first awkward pause (moments after walking into the room) I started in on my rehearsed, well planned out speech.  It turns out that he was totally willing to go to my dance with me (who wouldn’t be excited to go with me), and suddenly I felt at ease.  One thing I forgot to rehearse was how to end the conversation.  My charm and wit was only going to go so far.  I know I am a quick thinker, and can sometimes get myself out of moments like this…

… not this time. Instead of doing something cavalier and charming, I went for the most awkward of all; a high five. As I said good-bye to him and thanked him for the date, we looked into each others’ eyes and the next thing I know I am in slow motion, raising my hand and as I blink, the words “High five” regurgitate out of my mouth. Worse than the walk of shame, I left the room and hoped that that moment would not haunt me the rest of my life….

A not so TGIFriday’s experience….

It’s a Friday jamboree.  “TGIF” will never have the same connotations as thanking God.  If anything, we can thank him for getting these miracles that made it past conception into our presence for a 3 hour lunch (a 3 hour lunch). And lunch with co workers could now be considerable for HR. 
Most of us have come to know and love Friday as the time of the week that all mental anguish becomes a countdown until being drowned and washed away by the trickling majesty of designer liqueurs and sultry women or men; or who knows, maybe both. 
As the Europeans have had resilient influence on our business model,  ‘Fridays’ start getting sexy right around lunch time.  Insert a little afternoon delight here. Well, in Europe, Fridays begin Tuesday afternoon or whenever the sun comes out.  Our company is 50% foreign born.
‘It’s Friday everyone and this week has been the cock& balls, what should we do?’
Well, where could the thirst for pre-drinking drinks and pre-binging binge food take us but the glory hole of restaurantation, T.G.I.Fridays.  The company forever tarnished by flair and rampant hillbillies. 
Service arrived 1 hour of 3 into our delightful sit-and-ponder session at our 8 person booth.  We had to keep the bald man at our table down so as not to throw down and take the midgets to the streets.
We have to give thanks to TGIF’s for the eye-raping décor that allows spirited conversation to be had; and God bless America for allowing the sick, poor, desperate, and homely to find well paying jobs and provide for their alien offspring.  But damned be the American businessman that only has an hour for lunch and slight job security. Everyone has to make in this world, one way or another.
The setting was just right to get the minds riled up of 8 famished internet marketers. The wall hangings were gothic and in tune with the Halloween season;  Creepy retired horses from marry-go-rounds, rusted tin signs with ambiguous messages, and poor carnival taxidermy. 
Collectively with the hired wait staff; we may as well have had our pre-party in an electric circus whore house.  They were incredibly big, they were incredibly small, and the women had beards as thick as Magnum P.I.  Midget-Lover would be first to sign up, just to wrestle (any way possible) with any of the midgets. He needed his story and craigslist might not suffice here.
We swallowed our beers , margaritas, and mojitos with a tense ambition for elephants to appear out of the bathroom. 
It was not to be.  Clearly the elephant was the daytime chef.
Though we complained about the food quality, maybe respect should have been given for the efforts of a mammal producing meals using only one appendage (though he might have used his trunk too).  
The soup was nothing more than a few tablespoons of soup skin.  Vegetarians need to eat too, damn it. What we didn’t realize is that ladles aren’t well operated with a trunk.
The alcoholic beverages were too weak.  Of course they were, everyone knows that elephants are wasted off of a slight morsel of booze.  How could it have known what our tastes are? They don’t see what we do every weekend down in TJ. Hey buddy, we leave our kids home for a reason.
The fish and pasta dish tasted like the salt from elephant testicles.  We have no idea why, though assumptions can be made. Must have been a different appendage.
Thankfully our entire meal was comp’d by a cross-dressing Hispanic lesbian. 
P.S. I will return on another Friday to impregnate the seductive Pacific Islander Midget. 

King of Congo: “Technology is My Bible. It saved my Life”

When we see an internet browser, he sees everything that makes that page run. When we see a seemingly impossible equation, he sees a way to work through it to an answer. And when we see Luc Ibata-Okalobe, we should see a man with a passion for learning and for life. In the beginning, Luc had no clue what the internet was and how it worked. He knew little about technology, but it would someday lead him to a level one Cisco certification and be responsible for bringing him into the United States.

Luc spent 20 years in Congo without a trace of knowledge about technology or the internet. He left to France with the equivalent of a high school degree education and a passion for solving problems and working out math equations. Anyone could give him an equation, and he would find a way to work through it to get an answer. In France, he attended several colleges, mainly those with an emphasis in math and technology. He later attended a Mechanical school and left shortly thereafter to yet another school, emphasizing in IT and programming. It was here that Luc was introduced into the world of technology and IT, and quickly developed a passion for the science. As he began discovering that he had a knack for IT, he found a more concentrated private school that would lead him into his Microsoft and Cisco certifications.

Attending SUPINFO, one of the leading IT schools in France, Luc took immediate interest in not only his area of study which was programming, but he also found himself trying to learn about networking and IT. One of his best friends was in an IT program, so he and Luc would discover new networking things and work on them together. It was a couple years later when Luc had just as much knowledge in IT/ networking as in programming that he decided to take his Cisco certification exam.

Taking and passing the first level of Cisco certification was no easy feat for Luc. He would spend more than a full day’s work in the training program, from 9-6, everyday. From 10-5am, he was working a job to pay the bills. Yet, he would bring books and study materials to this job, sneaking in as much information as possible. Some would call him stressed out; but it was entirely the opposite. Luc had a passion to learn networking. After the bills, all of his money went into training materials. He had no money to eat, just to learn.

With his level one certification, or CCNA, Luc has the ability to see a network from its beginning to its end. His certification has given him the equivalent of a Master’s Degree and the knowledge to make internet networking look easy. He says that everything he knows about the internet and marketing he knows from Cisco. It gives him a basis of knowledge to solve almost any networking problem. His goal is to take and pass the next level certification. He has gone through the training and has the knowledge of what is necessary, but now needs to get the certification. With the next level of certification, he will not only be able to build and migrate networks, he will also be able to plan out and design networks from the beginning.

If you were to ask Luc why he went through all of the trouble to get his certification, he will just smile at you as if you are a formula that he needs to solve. He went through the certification training not just for exam, but for himself. Having a real source of learning, to believe what technology says, was his main goal. It makes him proud, having the certification or even the training. It’s very important. It gives him information beyond the answer. It gives him knowledge. And knowledge is what saved his life.

Baseball Strategy

There are many things to think about in a baseball game.  And as a person grows older, a lot more is involved.  In the beginning, it’s about home runs and nachos.  But the more you watch, the more it becomes a lesson about when to hit, when a certain play is going to help the team, and how many beers it will take to actually partake in all of the fan debauchery. 

The first baseball game a child will remember is the one where they had their dad or older brother’s oversized baseball mitt and an old baseball hat to boot.  Barely able to keep the stadium seat down, the child will sit as close to the edge; just in case the batter hits his ball to the third level.  It is important for them to be ready.  Deciding whether to finish the nacho, or take a drink of soda (one that is a rare treasure to have in this family) the child will ultimately decide to take both at the same time.  Not paying attention to the child, the father will inadvertently grab the soda and not realize he is enjoying the nachos as well.  When the game ends, the child will be so hopped up on soda that he won’t remember that he never caught the ball. 

After a few games under a child’s belt, and after playing in a little league for a year, the child will begin to pay more attention to the balls and strikes being called. This time he will have his own little league mitt, and the nachos will be eaten as quickly as possible so he doesn’t mi8ss a strike.  At the end of the game, he will look up to his dad and ask if the right team one, because he didn’t know which team he was rooting for.  

Then the day comes when the child no longer goes to the baseball games with his dad.  Baseball games become events.  Such events include designating a driver, whose going to get the beer, and who will cover the nacho trip.  In these baseball games, everyone has a foam finger or a painted belly.  Instead of paying attention to the balls and strikes being called, they look at why the stupid umpire is kicking the coach out of the game.  In order to get a rise out of the coach, those fans closest to the dugout will begin throwing paper wads and peanut shells out on the field. 

Pretty soon that child will be the father; the one that drinks his child’s nachos.  He will lean down towards his son, but still watching the field, begin to explain the strategy involved in the last pitch, and why the players are positioned the way they are.  In the middle of a an explanation, he will suddenly stand and yell at a ridiculous call and in forgetting that his son is listening to him and probably heard his profanities, he looks down at his son who can barely keep his seat down, and watch the nachos creeping down the straw.

From the Movie “Adaptation”

Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn’t be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (sigh) I’m a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor, and have my leg checked. There is something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again, I’m way over due. If I stopped putting things off I would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn’t fat I would be happier. I wouldn’t have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like that’s fooling anyone. FAT ASS. I should start jogging again. 5 miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more. And prove myself. What if I learned Russian or something? Or took up an instrument? I could speak Chinese. I would be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese. And plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short.  Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that? Just be real, confident. Isn’t that what women are attracted to? Men don’t have to be attractive. But that’s not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe its my brain chemistry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of  misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I’ll still be ugly though. nothing’s gonna change that.

Prompt 263: Give 8 Good Reasons it is Alright for Men to Lie:

I was browsing through writing prompt ideas and came across: “List 8 Reasons When it’s Alright for Men to Lie”…. this is my list.

1. Let’s face it; we don’t always look like Heaven… Waking up to PMS, your boyfriend/husband looks into your eyes and softly whispers “You are beautiful.” RIIIGHT. You really think that they would be this sweet when you said NO last night because your flow is heavier than normal? Yet, it is OK for him to say this lie because it distracts you enough from your period cramps for those couple of seconds to revel in the fact that as sweet as he is, he’s still not gonna get any…

2. He might be buying you a present… As untrue as this is 99.9% of the time, we let them get away with a lie here or there with the hopes that might actually be a sweet guy.

3. He has no fashion sense… You ask him which is better, does this make me look skinny, whatever you want. Rather than get the deer in headlight look or the out of this world zone out, prompt him to answer how you want… “This makes me look skinny, doesn’t it?” You are much better off.

4. He’s thinking with his penis… ‘nough said.

5. Justifies the Time you put in to make him look better… he may not know, but you sure as hell know that he wouldn’t be where he is today without you so looking good, making sure his clothes are stylish enough, and getting food in his belly. And he has the confidence to try and pull off that lie!? Well, it is your fault.

6. (during makeup sex)… once again, I am giving in. I can’t believe he treats me like this, and I just roll over and let him “schmooze” me over. If only foreplay wasn’t my weakness and I wasn’t horny as he is. UGHHHH what a bastard, he never listens, never learns, never…. Oh. Wow. He’s never done that…. OOOHHH! YES! OH….. yadda yadda yadda….. “I love you.”

7. That’s Right. The Woman is, uh, smarter… It almost amuses us when he is genuinely thinking out this lie, going into every detail of it just to cover all of his bases. As you listen, your face tilts to the side, you zone out and nod your head. You aren’t even listening to it, because you are concentrating on when the perfect moment is going to be to call him out on it. You might even smirk as you pass up opportunities to do so because you know there is another coming up that will make him look like an even bigger dick.

8. Meaningful sex. Hear me out… This can go several ways. You let him lie about his, um, size… his confidence will make him that much more likely to show you affection. You let him lie, period… you can just store it in your “I never got over that” box in your ovaries and keep it for next time. He’ll never know what hit him…. AND, he’ll feel even worse when he finds out that you knew he was lying.

A Tribute to Luna…

Tribute to Luna: sometime in 2004-4/6/2005

In my sadness for the loss of my good friend, and fish I wrote a poem for Luna. Alot of people will think I am crazy for sulking so much over a fish, yet I find this loss to be more than the loss of a fish. She was me, and a way to ventitale. And now she is gone….

Wake me from this nightmare
The pain I can’t control
I’ve lost a friend, a fish, my heart
And the loneliness takes its toll.

Secret after secret
That I have shared with you
Take them with you as you leave
Remembering your irredescent purples and blues.

Life seems unreal
I walk through this dream
Numb and unaware
Nothing anymore is what it seems

You weren’t just a fish
Swimming around a small bowl.
You were there to listen
A part of me when I needed to be consoled.

My company in the dark
My every thought so true
Face to face we talked
Of both the good and bad news.

You and me together
We formed a good team.
One in the same
You were a reflection of me, my little Luna Beam.